CHINESE PROVERBS
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Man who run in front of car get tired.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Man who run behind car get exhausted.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Man with one chopstick go hungry.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
>
>* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*~*
>
>Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
>
>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
>Crowded elevator smell different to midget

Very nice!!!!

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight.

Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P)=PROBLEM
(S)=SOLUTION

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for

(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!

(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

HA HA HA thats flippin funny